


The Ex-Boyfriend From Hell

by littleknowledgesuitsthegreat



Category: The Avengers (Marvel Movies)
Genre: Frenemies, Friends With Benefits, M/M, because it's literally just hate sex, but I sort of ship it under weird circumstances, friendemies, leave me alone to rot, like they being, minus the friend part, something like that, yeah okay I have a problem
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2015-05-28
Updated: 2015-05-28
Packaged: 2018-04-01 17:56:43
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,380
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4029283
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/littleknowledgesuitsthegreat/pseuds/littleknowledgesuitsthegreat
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Yeah okay so I have a headcanon where Justin Hammer and Tony Stark were a thing back in the day, but it was mainly full of hate sex, because why not? Welp, I wrote this in turn for that little fact, to see the Avengers reaction to it.</p>
            </blockquote>





	The Ex-Boyfriend From Hell

**Author's Note:**

> Have fun kids, if you like it, I'll write some more. Try to guess who caught them kissing in the comments!

The Ex-Boyfriend From Hell.  
~  
“Do we have eyes on him?”

“Not yet.”

“Cap, report, what’ve you got?” 

“Nothing yet, sir, we’re closing in one the room, should be able to tell in a few seconds.” 

“Widow?” 

“Just as lost as they are, sir. Something’s off.”

“Everything with Stark is off, just get in and kick ass.” 

“Roger that, sir.” 

“Protocol if Hammer or one of his goons has a gun to Stark?” 

“Don’t engage, you know the drill.” 

“And?” 

“We’ll hope for the best. We don’t know enough about this guy to know whether or not he’d take the shot.”

“My bet’s not, Hammer isn’t one for doing his dirty work, much less seeing it.” 

“Then let’s hope he’s in there.” 

The three agents closed into the building. Clint, Nat, and Steve, all on different ends and windows. Steve from the ground, Nat on the overhanging lift of the warehouse, and Clint from the top. 

“Alright, in three… two… one!” Steve counted off. 

All three entered, guns blazing. Well, shield, guns, and arrows a blazing. Ready to fight, ready to not give into compromise, while still retrieving their Iron Man. Expecting the worst. Well, the worst Hammer could give them. 

What they didn’t expect was Tony pinning down the well suited man with a gun aimed towards one of the previously mentioned goons. 

“Oh, fantastic, you’re here to join the party.”  
~~~

After that ordeal, the ride back was anything interesting. 

“How the hell did you manage to get out of plastic ties?” 

“Burnt through them. The thing kidnappers never realise, never leave me around technology unless you /want/ me to escape.” Tony almost gloated, as if he hadn’t been kidnapped for over a week. 

“Nice job with hacking into Darcy’s itunes to give us an update.” Clint said. 

“Thought you might appreciate that. What’s gonna happen to Hammer?” 

“We’re putting him into SHIELD custody. He’s been asking to talk to you for an hour now.” Natasha spoke up. 

“Cute. Where is he?” Tony stood up. 

“Wait, you’re actually gonna talk to him?” 

“What, he’s got the threat of a kitten.”

“He kidnapped you and tried to kill you before.” 

“And he didn’t succeed, did he? I’ll only be a few minutes, someone can babysit us if they want to.” Tony replied immediately as he stepped over to the threshold of the meeting room where the rest of the Avengers had gathered in. Bruce, Nat, Clint, Steve, Thor, and him. 

“I’m not going.” Clint said with his hands up. 

“Well, while you ids figure out who’s gonna play babysitter, I have a very long needed conversation I need to get through. Which, speaking of which, am I or am I not allowed to break any of his bones?” He eyed Nat, who gave him a look in return. 

“We’ll say whatever damages are from the warehouse.” 

“Fantastic, see ya.” And with that, Tony was out of the room. 

One week ago, one week ago and Tony had been kidnapped by his least favourite person in the world, Justin Hammer. Considering all the times he’d been kidnapped before, by now it’s just been irritating and inconvenient. Especially by his supposed ‘nemesis’. Tony was used to a better class of criminal than him, by now it was just irritating that he kept coming back without stopping. Though, Tony was mostly concerned for how he’d been taken this time. Usually it took him being drunk or an armour malfunction that set him somewhere unknown. Never had he been stolen from his own Tower before, especially without JARVIS notifying him of security breaches. 

He walked down the hallway and into the containment centre room of Coulson’s ‘bus’ while mentally re-coding JARVIS’s security protocols. 

Anyone else on the team had been worried when he was taken, which was to be expected of friends. Tony realised this about the second time he’d been kidnapped after the Avengers team launched. This was only the third time, and it had been going on for over a year. A new track record it seemed. 

Strangely enough, Tony took note in the fact that Steve was the one who usually spent most of the time worrying about him. Trying to get him back, but that was most likely due to his whole captain-ing instincts. Get all the soldiers home safe, even if you don’t like them. 

Tony had been up on this aircraft before, he helped design most of the technology they applied to all of SHIELD’s machines, so he didn’t have much trouble finding out where they were keeping Hammer. Every helicarrier held at least one containment room, if not, three. 

When he’d found the specific room, he had to get a nearby SHIELD agent to open the door itself-not wanting anyone to know he had the ability to hack into them- and took only a minute to come walking through the door. 

The room was decorated in a design of octagons, made to make the inhabitants on edge, uncomfortable. It was a little mental trick, but Tony had always seen it as honey combs. 

Hammer was seated at the far end of the table in the room, cuffed to the flat surface and all. As if he’d be able to escape even without his hands free. 

“Oh, how the tables have turned.” Tony grinned as he stepped in, closing the door behind him. Hammer looked up. 

“You seem…. cheerful.”

“Well I ought to be, I get to go home now. No doubt you’ll probably get a ride home as soon as we land.” 

“What makes you say that?” 

“The fact that you can buy your way out of this.” 

“And SHIELD’s going to let me?” 

“No. But, knowing you, there’s already three faulty guards on this plane waiting for your escape plan. After all these years, and you still don’t think I know you well enough to get your plans?” Tony said as he sat down, across from Justin Hammer. 

“I can definitely say you know me pretty well.” 

“Inside and out, dear. But that’s not why I’m here, and you should know it.” 

“Cameras off?” 

“They will be. In three…. two….” A sharp zap of electricity erupted from the corner of the room, where a concealed camera had been placed. Tony didn’t look up from his watch as it exploded with a minor reaction. 

“You’re good. It’s a shame you never wanted to mesh companies.” 

“Too bad I have self respect.” Tony shrugged and pulled his sleeve over his watch again,”Anyway, I think you know what I’m going to ask.” 

“Why I kidnapped you?” 

“Not, I partially got that. Trying to get my attention?” 

“Nothing else seems to work.” 

“You could just call.” 

“Now what’s the fun in that?” 

“Fair enough. Anyway, how did you get in my tower when there’s two trained assassins, a hulk, Captain-Freaking-America, and a God of Thunder?” Tony said, pressing his elbows on the table while he leant forward. 

“Magic.” 

“You’re kidding.” 

“Nah. I got a little green friend who’s willing to help me out with my boy crush.” 

“You’ve got to be kidding me, I swear to fuck, Justin, Loki’s in this?” Tony’s expression changed completely, having pulled out the other man’s actual name. He leant closer. 

“That’s what he calls himself, yeah.” 

“And why the hell is he helping you of all people?” 

Justin kept silent. Evidently, he didn’t have an answer to that question. 

“You’re just as useless as information as you are kidnapping people.” Tony snapped in his irritation, preparing to leave. “Of course you’d bring in Loki.” 

“Only to see you, dear.” 

“Don’t mention that little detail to anyone, or I might just use the suit on you.” 

“What detail, your past infatuation with me?” 

“Shut the hell up, Hammer, that was literally years ago.” 

“Not necessarily, considering last night.” 

“Fuck off and fuck you.” 

“Ooh, for a second time this week?” 

“I’m leaving.” 

“Aw, without a kiss?” 

Before Tony stood up, he kissed the other man with a harsh amount of pressure, clear to what his mood was at the moment. It was nothing out of the ordinary, seemingly. Until the sound of the door opening erupted and Tony pulled away quickly. Not fast enough for the person entering to not have seen. 

“What the fuck?”


End file.
